Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings
These are two lines from the chorus of one of my favorite grateful dead songs, Eyes of the World. The lyrics of the song are poetic but vague, but I know what this song always made me feel. The music kept me moving, the song kept me singing, and the feeling in my heart, as I skipped and spun and belted out the words, was a joyful reminder.
“You are the eyes of the world.” To me, this says that whatever we see and believe, becomes our reality. So be careful how you look at the world. Your vision creates it.
“Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings.” That said to me, again, shift your awareness. Learn that you are beautiful . . .what is more beautiful than the song that the morning brings? (I was, after all, a morning person!) This is a reminder that every time you wake up, there is a new, beautiful beginning
I have been feeling very down for the past month, which is why I havent blogged at all. I’ve been struggling to get anything done at all, and certainly putting meaningful words to (virtual) paper has been the last thing on my mind. When things go wrong, as they often do around here, I get stuck in a negative view of myself and my life and the world. The lowest points are where I curse myself for having had children, because I am an unworthy mother who is incapable of giving them what they truly need. I feel the weight of three lives on my shoulders, and I am sure I am failing them.
Wake up, discover that you are the song that the morning brings. If i can remember the beauty and magic in myself, in my life, I can get through this trial of parenting three kids, at least 2 of which are emotionally disabled. I need to stop living in the world where I compare myself (and my children) negatively to everything and everyone around me, and remember those days in my youth when i danced barefoot in the grass and sung to the sun and believed in happy endings. I need to find my joy.
and maybe even manage to write about something.